I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
