Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize