He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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