Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
