I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
