Got a toothbrush?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
its not stalking. its research.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
