and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
