The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
