I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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