her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
