It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's official drugs can't kill me
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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