the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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