it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
