dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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