I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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