So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
