i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
