why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
