If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
