the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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