Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
