dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
