Betty ford says i'm here all night
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
