Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
