Three words: puerto rican gang bang
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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