make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
