I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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