I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
