I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
