I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
