But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
