overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
