bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
