I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
