He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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