You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
