Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
