I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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