It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
