No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
