Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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