yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
