yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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