I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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