You're so nebulous sometimes
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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