so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
