She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
