Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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