420 ftw
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
