It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
