I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
