my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Mom said you looked used
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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