in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
