she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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