You made me cry and you don't even care
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
