You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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