You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
