wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
