AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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