I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
