I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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